Thursday, December 27, 2012

Real (Muslim) Men don't beat their wives REDUX

Note: If you haven't read my first post on this (hence REDUX), read it first.

So I was thinking more about this subject for a while now where there are other safeguards for women in Islam and marriage that both critics of Islam and fanatics who impose their savagery on women forget both out of selective reading and lack of serious attempt to understand the reasoning behind certain things like why is "beating" your wife even brought up? I've already addressed that in my previous post about the subject but now I will discuss a point that has been brought to my attention both on twitter and the same debate that made me write my previous post on wife beating in Islam.

I've gone over everything I could think of that proves that a woman is not allowed to be hurt in anyway no matter how much of ruckus she causes for the family but I want to go back to the point about tapping her with a feather or toothbrush which the lady in the video kept bringing up. It didn't occur to me then but from a woman on twitter who had lost much of her faith in Islam, even if a man does this w/o even thinking how stupid he looks doing it, the act of him using an implement on her to express anger can be emotionally scarring. It represents that he sees and treats her like a slave or servant.

Again, I'm putting aside all the safeguards in the previous post that would just stop a man from doing anything more than harsher than a divorce (which I will elaborate on later actually). I want to discuss what would happen if a man takes full advantage of this and uses a toothbrush or feather or whatever to hit his wife. There are 2 things that are obviously not going through his head when he does this. The first is what the Islam says about a woman beating her husband and the second is what the Islam says about divorce. As far as I know, it's only hate, anger, and pride, all of which Islam is against.

On the first part, the Qur'an doesn't say anything about a wife hitting her husband other than what isn't already stated about any Muslim, man or woman, hitting another Muslim. I already pointed out in my previous post how the verse on wife "beating" can be interpreted as her being abusive toward her husband. She's already angry with him and being abusive towards him for it so striking her with anything whether it's a feather or toothbrush isn't gonna change that she's coming at him with a frying pan when she was previously only punching him or something.

It's not a last resort simply b/c it's wrong to hit women or it will look stupid considering the restrictions, it's a last resort b/c God knows the first 2 measures, talking out a problem and then total separation for an extended amount of time, will work fine on its own. To my knowledge and understanding, those who beat their wives, toothbrush or fist, do it as a first resort, never last but instead the only resort. They just see their ignorant interpretation of the Qur'an to be ignominious punks and go all out like the dogs they are. Contemptible savages are contemptible savages no matter what their belief.

The second part is a reference to the rights of either gender to divorce. This is actually another issue many anti-Islam people bring up, that women must ask permission for a divorce from a judge and if he doesn't grant it, well, tough cookie. The truth is, a woman has a far easier time gaining a divorce than a man does. What has been interpreted as the reverse is the result of ignorance and fanatics being in charge of many religious courts in countries such a Pakistan where they turn every law in Islam made to protect women into a law made to condemn them.

It is true, a woman does need the permission of a judge to divorce but let us examine actually the smallest reason a woman needs to gain a divorce from the ahadith. A woman approached Muhammad (saw) regarding divorcing her husband. He asked her two things, first, did he beat her? She said no. Second, did he cheat on her? She said no. He asked then why she wanted to divorce and, to paraphrase, she said she didn't love him and for that, Muhammad (saw) gave her a divorce. In contrast, for a man's divorce which is described in great detail in the Qur'an, he must wait 3 months so that he should rethink his divorce and reconcile with her.

So think about it, if a woman is so emotionally hurt by a husband who strikes her with a feather that she loses any affection for him, all she has to say is that she doesn't love him or better yet, say that she was hurt by his action. The worst that can happen from a divorce by a woman, not counting the breakup of a family, mind you, is that she has to return her dowry that he gave her though at least there is no strenuous disputes over who gets what, having to deal with someone who is revolting to the woman.

In summary, beating your wife is not cool or Islamic and even trying to do it "Islamically" will make you look stupid, the point of it all, it might backfire even more violently, and the woman might just leave you for being an idiot. Furthermore, if you think you're at the stage where you need to beat your wife, you really aren't and you should talk more with her or separate if you haven't already or stay separate for a little while longer b/c that's even what Muhammad (saw) did. No feather, sticks, toothbrushes, or fists touched his wives.